I never did believe in monster's. Only fairies, good witches, happy leprechauns, and such. Now, I know the truth is: there are monster's. Human form, whom freeze one's soul with deliberate harm. Nothing freezes the heart as hard and fast as the horrors folks intentionally inflict upon one another. Whether it be physical, emotional, and/or financial. I trusted someone whom never deserved my trust. He snicker's, feeling he got me, hurt me...and it is true. He has/are doing these things. Why? Raise his sticks and cry? I suppose stirring the pot suits him. He is putting forth a great deal of effort to continue to cause pain. Sheesh...hasn't he done enough? When will he be satisfied? What will it take? Is my living a good life eating him up inside? Take some more pills Ed, or drink another 18 pack, you'll feel normal again. I just don't know. It is a tortured path to choose to take. Is he angry that he shook the whore tree, and a housewife didn't fall out? Lol!
I lost my own reflection, for many a year. Became a lifeless shell of a woman based on fear alone. Terror, illness, deliberate sabotage of me financially, kept me still and silent for so very long. Though it is still misty, and veiled... I'm beginning to see myself again. I so wish that he would simply stop. Leave me alone. Just stop.
I am grateful for the folks that have fallen into my lap, since I walked out of hell. I leave Ed; and tons (well not tons), of decent, thoughtful, helpful, understanding people have been becoming part of my life. I think to myself; and I wasted all those years believing a lewd, malicious liar. My god, how stupid could I be? Can ya tell? I'm not feeling so positive right now. I feel as though I am being pushed to fight back. The fight has left me. I am happy with who I am, and whom I'm not. I don't want to be any part of hurting anyone, no matter what they've done to me. I know the pain far too well, which makes me cringe at pushing back. Yet, its survival at this point. So be it. Damn.
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